If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.... " ~ Marcus Aurelius
They removed my left breast about two weeks ago now. I haven't looked yet. I may never look. I have family members who are very sweet about helping me deal with the wound so I don't have to get too personally involved. It's working out great for me; I may never have to leave the safety of my profound denial. Of course pain doesn't give me that option. I can't just delegate it to someone else. Pain is the least of my problems, though.
Every painful event is measured by what I've come to call "The Needles In the Breast Scale." I have yet to come across anything that crosses that threshold. I spent the day after surgery throwing up. Even soft drinks refused to take up residence in my stomach. Meanwhile, nurses kept coming and going, telling me that I needed to drink water and, noting that I was throwing up, about to throw up or having just done so, would wander back out of my room on the pretext of getting someone or something to help me. I wouldn't see them again for another hour or so, at which time the whole process would start all over again. My doctor's assistant told me that it was just a reaction to the anesthesia and I should be better in about 24 hours. I nodded my head, but I was skeptical. She was right. At almost exactly 24 hours, the nausea completely disappeared and I started eating solid food.
I was really just out of it for about 8 hours after the surgery. After I got into my room from the recovery room, they brought some chicken consomme for my enjoyment. I started eating, but I was still under the influence of the morphine drip. I would get a spoonful of soup, lift it to my mouth and fall asleep before it actually got there. I ended up wearing more chicken soup than I ingested.
I'm at work today for the second day in a row. I'm trying to keep my fatigue level under control, so I'm only staying a couple of hours at a time. I woke up with some pain today, so I was already a little tired before I got here. All of this is by way of saying that , though there is much more to say, I don't quite have the wherewithal to say it. There will be more when I'm more able.
