Dreams of Working Out

I bought three new workout dvds this week. Two of them were Denise Austin videos and one was a yoga video. Oh how it makes me long to get back to working out. Sometimes I even start to believe that, after I leave work, I can go home and at least do some yoga. On my drive home, I always realize I'm not strong enough yet.

I'm still only working three hours a day, at most. I go home and have to lie down for about half an hour or so. That's a new development this week. Usually I just park my butt on the sofa and rest there, but this week has been taking a toll. I get that massive fatigue thing that makes my back, arms and legs ache.

I have been busier this week at work. I answered the phone for a couple of hours one day, since I was the only person here. I've also done some proofreading and updating the database I created. The big energy drain, though, was having to talk with co-workers. That takes enormous energy. I've already spent about an hour this morning, listening to a co-worker. He was funny, but I'm not sure it was humorous enough to justify the energy drain.

One of my colleagues just called to request a database revision. It's good to be needed.

Welcome to my World

Hubby and I seem to be in the midst of a disagreement. I say "seem to be" because I'm not angry with him, but he left yesterday without a hug and didn't call me as he usually does at lunchtime. I'm alternately hurt and infuriated. Of course, those tend to be my predominant emotions all the time, so I guess it's just business as usual for me.

Hubby has a new job that started last Monday. He had a previously scheduled performance responsibility on Saturday, so he went in late to work on Friday. I think it was about an hour and a half. The performance went well, by all accounts. I couldn't go because I'm still in daily pain and I get worn out very quickly. My stepson came to town for the performance and they spent some time running around together. Stepson came by to spend about an hour with me. But I digress.

Hubby mentioned over the weekend that he thought he was getting a cold. Monday, he went to work as usual. On Tuesday, as he walked through the living room sniffling, he told me that if he wasn't feeling better in a couple of hours, he was going to call in sick. "I'll just knock this thing (the cold) out," he said. I was feeling optimistic and didn't take the comment too seriously.

I went to work and, when I got back, I went upstairs to see how he was feeling. There he was, lying in bed without a stitch clothing on, huddled up under the blankets. "I have a little temperature. I'm not going in today. I already called my manager." I turned around and walked out of the room. They're in the middle of training and last week, he called to tell me he didn't think he could get the system. That's excellent. Perfect time to take to the bed.

Around 4:00 (when he should have just gotten to work), I went upstairs, told him my mom was going to the grocery store and asked if he needed soup. Hubby requested chicken noodle. I just couldn't stand it. I told him that I was very unhappy that he was staying home. I pointed out that I've worked through chemo, radiation and I'm beginning to transition back to full time after my reconstruction surgery. I went back downstairs, my mom left to go to the grocery store and then I heard the water in the bathroom running. He took a bath, got dressed and left without even making a sandwich. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to feel badly about this.

Yesterday, I asked him how he was feeling and he said "bad." Note that he did not ask me how I was feeling. Later, he was at the computer and I went over to rub his shoulders. I mentioned that I have a bit of a sore throat, too.

As he was getting his stuff together, I got some tiny packs of Kleenex and dropped them in his brief case when he was out of the room. He got ready, and said, "I'll see you tomorrow," as he walked out the door. As I noted before, I was alternately infuriated and heartbroken. I keep trying to stay with that angry thing, because I think that's probably the saner reaction. He clearly doesn't understand that grown up boys and girls have to go to work when they're a little sick. If they have the flu, they get to stay home, but for a cold or hay fever? No. Apparently I'm a bitch for pointing this out to him in the nicest way I could. Trust me when I tell you I could have been brutal when I found him holed up in bed.

I'm not sure whether he just thinks I'm angry and isn't interacting because of that. I was friendly and concilliatory, though, so I doubt that's the case. I considered writing him a note and leaving it on the kitchen counter, asking if he's angry with me. I vetoed that thought every time it came up last night. Or I could just leave a note that says: "Hate your job? Bored? Not feeling well? Welcome to my world."

It's Alive!

I'm back at work today! Yes indeed, boys and girls, I am sitting here with cable access, being annoyed by a co-worker. It just doesn't get any better than this. I came in yesterday, too, but for only one hour. I expect to be here an hour again today, but at least I'm out of the house and attempting to be productive.

One of my co-workers needs me to fill out a form for a client's safety department in order for us to be an approved provider. I attempted to open the file and couldn't because it's corrupted. I called her (she's downstairs and I just can't do the trek) and asked her if she could print it out. Silence. I'm waiting, waiting, waiting. Silence. She doesn't know if she can open it. Silence. I have no idea what she thinks I can do about this. Finally, she says that she'll try to open it, but if she can't she'll have to forward it to the IT guy to open it. Being productive has its down sides.