I woke at 3:30 this morning and never went back to sleep. Little Andy (my big baby Husky) needed to take an emergency bathroom break, so I got up to let him out of his crate and into the back yard. That was the end of sleep for me.
I read yesterday that M.D. Anderson now has some services to address chemo brain. It all sounds tiring and complex. There will be neurological tests. Heaven only knows what that would entail. Since chemotherapy, I'm noticeably more stupid. My therapist, my husband and my mom can't see it, but I know how much more slowly I think. I notice how frequently I can't think of the right word, can't follow logical progressions in my database development, have difficulty concentrating.
My psychiatrist recently suggested (and I just that same day read) that chemo brain may be trauma-induced. The diagnosis, the chemo, the radiation, the uncertainty of a long-term future are, without a doubt, traumatically stressful. After it's over, we're left to process all of it emotionally and try to cobble together a new life.
I'm mulling over my options. I don't know if I'm willing, at this point, to endure what will be required of me to figure out how (or if) we can fix it. Maybe I simply need to wait a while, continue to work through the past two years and hope things improve.
I'll be in Houston on December 6 and, if I were going to pursue treatment of some kind, it would be great if I could work that in on the same trip. On the other hand, I don't know how likely it would be that I could combine the two. They're busy, you know.
On five hours of sleep, it's hard to come up with the right answer. I think I'm going to allow my intuitive brain to work on this without my intellect getting involved. The right brain is always right. I'm willing to wait while it decides for me.
